My Writing n°2: Blaming Life

By mercredi, octobre 08, 2014

Voici une nouvelle que j'ai écrit l'an dernier en langue anglaise, cependant je n'ai pas fini de la traduire donc pour l'instant elle ne sera disponible qu'en version originale. N'hésitez pas à laisser un avis dans les commentaires =)

                                                                                      BLAMING LIFE                                                                                                    

Salman Rushdie said there are some mistakes for which one should not be able to blame one’s poor parents. It is quite true. Life is hard to master, this is not a secret and nobody – except you – is responsible for the mistakes you make. You are the only one to blame for what you do with your own life. Meanwhile, there is a thing you could blame your parents for, but it is the only one:  your procreation and your birth, nothing else. Of course if your problem is with life itself then, good luck! Because it is a very long road and it is only the beginning of it. I swear it to you. Trust me! I know what I am talking about.

Day 1: 23 September 2010
I am 25 years old today and I should be happy to be the person I am but I am not. Still single. No real job. I am a stupid waitress who works for peanuts waiting to be hired as a music teacher. I am miserable and probably cursed. The only thing I am good at is to make mistakes. Depressing!

Today, I think I made one of the worst mistakes ever. I had to tell you because I think no sensible person would have made it or at least would have been more cautious than I am. So, I was walking on the sidewalk at a couple of meters from the place I had an interview for a new job, a job of teaching assistant. It could have been a first step towards a more stable life if I had not spoiled everything. Yes, I fell down right in front of the school in a dog’s excrement. Noooooooooooooooo! My dress! I am so stupid, my appointment is in five minutes and now it is all torn and dirt. Of course, as you think, I could not go to a job interview in such an outfit, so I went back home and did not go to the appointment. I called them to say that I could not go because I was sick and they said: “Well, too bad, we will have to call another person then”. If only I had not been so clumsy the job would have been mine. But why? Finally, I was wondering if it would not have been better to go to this interview dirty from head to toe. Anyway, I will never know. I am going to bed. I had to forget all this crap for now. I need to rest.  

Day 2: 24 September 2010

9:30 am: I got up, took a shower, got dressed and I took my breakfast. No problem so far. I hope it will continue. I need a beautiful day. I need to forget about yesterday and to move forward.

10: 30 am: Today, I am going to do some shopping, I have a date tonight. My first date in a year! You know how it is. I want this moment to be perfect. The end of my singleness depends on it. 

12:30 – 3:30 pm: I worked. I brought their drinks to the customers. One of them, a pervert touched me or rather my bottom. I was furious. I slammed him in his face. I could not control myself but I could not bear such behavior towards me. Of course, you well imagine what my boss said: “Amy, get your stuffs, you’re fired!” Yep! My life is really a disaster. But should I let this disgusting man fondling me? Certainly not! I am not that kind of girl! I am definitely not a prostitute and I would never be one.

4:00 pm: No job anymore. Need to look for another one. Crap!

6:00 pm: Getting Ready. Hurry up! The date is at 7:00pm.

7:00 pm: Knock, Knock! Ricky is behind the door. I am not perfect at all but anyway I am okay, and it is the only thing that matter. We talked for about an hour and then we decided to go to a movie theater. I wanted to go there for a romantic comedy but he was more in favor of a horror movie or a thriller. Eventually, no horror movies were projected and the thriller movie showing was full. Then we went to see The Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez. During the movie he took my hand and my heart was beating widely. Once the movie finished, he walked me home as a gentleman and said: “Good night Amy. It was a nice evening.” And he was gone. No Kiss, no Embrace, why? It was a nice evening, he even said so. I don’t understand. I am lost

00:00: I received a text from Ricky “Amy I’m sorry. ‘Hope you’ll forgive me someday but I wasn’t honest with you. You’re nice and everything but we aren’t meant to be together. I’m still in love with my ex-girlfriend and I’ll try to do whatever I can to save this relationship. Hope you understand. Understand him? No way. He is a jerk, a jackass, a bugger. No words exist to describe what I felt deep inside at that moment. The best is to go to bed and try to forget this amazing day.

Day 5: 29 September 2010

I did not write these past few days. There is of course a reason for that. Lack of time? Nope. Lack of will? Nope. Another extraordinary adventure? Definitely not. True to say, I was at the hospital in observation. Why? Because I am crazy and I could not bear my life anymore, so I committed the worst mistake one could ever make.

You remember when I said that the only thing you could blame your parents for was giving birth to you? It is exactly what I had done. I had blamed them for giving birth to me. I had blamed them for having to live such a life. What had I done? I had tried to kill myself by swallowing the whole tube of aspirin. Unfortunately I still belong to this world, to the world of the living, because my mom decided to visit me that very day and found me unconscious lying down on the floor of my bathroom. Then, she took me to the hospital where I had a stomach wash. They save my life! Hooray! You’re kidding me for sure! I should be dead; I should no longer have to live that stupid life where no opportunities are waiting for me. What am I going to do now?

Days, Weeks, Months passed and Amy was more and more desperate. She went to job interviews one after the other but she never received a positive answer. She lived on unemployment compensation and on welfare program. She dated with some guys but there were only sex friends and they did not look for the serious relationship Amy was dreaming about. To be honest, you see that she was not happy. You see she needed some help or maybe a psychologist or a doctor. She was at a point that nobody even her parents could help her. They were scared; they feared she would commit a second attempt of suicide. But this time, Amy would not be so negligent, aspirin did not work. Well, there are so many other solutions to end up with your life, you know.

Day 101: 24 December 2010

Tonight it is Christmas Eve. Everybody will celebrate this day. As far as I am concern, it will be the most beautiful day of my life. I am going to end up with all this mess. I am going to get rid of it. I confess to you that this is my last day on this planet. I decided not to blame anyone. I am just blaming life nothing more. Life is so hard to master. Everybody could not master it. I abandoned a long time ago. I know now that a better life is waiting for me elsewhere. I had to leave; nothing is left for me here. People are going to welcome once again Christ into our world but as far as my relatives are concern they will remember it as the passing of an era, the day I said stop to life. In a few minutes my soul will rest in peace and dance among the multitude of sparkle you see everywhere.
I am sorry mom. I am sorry dad. I want you to know that I have loved you since the very first day and that you are not responsible for what I am going to do. I wanted to say goodbye, I leave for another place far from here where I could escape all my problems. Don’t be sad, it is my decision and it is for the better I hope. Never forget how much I love you both.

I Love you both” were the last words Amy wrote. I found her inanimate in the bath. It was a blood-bath. She had cut the veins on her wrists and on her ankles. No heartbeat. The body as cold as snow; she was definitely dead. Now her soul will rest forever. Amy did not know who to blame for her misery and she blamed life. It was not the more judicious choice to do but it was her choice and we will respect it.

Rest in Peace Amy we loved you, we love you and we will love you forever. 

(c) copyright: Prescillia. R.

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